two wrongs should make a right

My mother today said to me "Thera-Jade, you remind of effy hun. you've been hurt over and over (most of which relates to me, sorry). but now because of that, you end up fucking with everyone else's feelings and life. please, i know its hard but please open up, the pain would be less for you and everyone else. dont act like you havent been hurt, or that you dont care. Just wake up and stop making the wrong decisions."

that really hit home, im sorry.

i'm well aware that life isnt easy.
i'm well aware its not meant to be easy.
i'm well aware you have to make decisions.
i'm well aware that people will make different decision.

i'm not at all aware of that decision i should make...

so, today was the my orientation for my tafe course
i came home more afraid than excited. i'm worried what if this isn't the perfect decision
i'm also worried because i'm forcing myself to have to grow up earlier than others.
is it wrong or is it right.
i guess it doesnt matter ive made my decision.


because of this decision,
and the feeling i need to grow up at a faster rate, i dont know what i should be doing.
on one hand, at the moment, i love my life, im happy!
however its not growing up its doing the opposite.
going out, wondering around, being carefree, gets smashed
sure they are all things in which teenagers do, right

im a teenager but im not living the life of an average one
does this in turn mean, i need to give all this up?
please someone enlighten me! tell me im wrong
tell me to continue, you're fine, be happy!

bottom line
why am i even bothering worry about it....
honestly there is no way to know if i make the right or wrong decision until
ive already made it.