dear blog and co.
i have a fucked up voice along with a cough, sore throat
and not being able to breathe properly.

at this point in time im not sure
if its just your average cold or if its from something
else (which doesnt need to be shared ;D)
or maybe a mixture of both who knows.
time shall tell.

anyway its shit, its annoying me
and not only that i have to go to work like this and coach
people tennis and i really cant be fucked i feel like shit
and dont want to have to run around plus my job isnt
very fun its actually rather gay.

i want a new one!

anyway someone fix me i feel crappy!! D:
this thing better be gone friday because i dont want
to have to go to the fringe with it however nor
do i want to miss the opening night.

highs and lows, fast yet slow

so today,
i started my tafe course it was a good day all in all
i had to be there at 9 and had a 4hour lesson, which he just talked and talked and
talked and gahhhh o.O
and then i had another 4hour lesson in which all i did was
cut out letters from a magazine and write stuff with them haha

tonights to do list;
- go to dads
-make food to take to tafe tomorrow
-organise my shit for tomorrow
-burn a cd for the car
tomorrows to do list;
- check bank
- pick up hannah, take her to school
- go to tafe
- go to chiropractor (and possibly doctor)
- go to work


on a completely random note...
im sick of people assuming everything about me
- yes i have pericings but im not an emo or freak
- yes i have bleach blonde hair no im not a slut
- yes i wear make up, wear fashionable clothes and have "barbie" hair
BUT im not dumb, i can actually hold an intelligent conversation fuck -_-

two wrongs should make a right

My mother today said to me "Thera-Jade, you remind of effy hun. you've been hurt over and over (most of which relates to me, sorry). but now because of that, you end up fucking with everyone else's feelings and life. please, i know its hard but please open up, the pain would be less for you and everyone else. dont act like you havent been hurt, or that you dont care. Just wake up and stop making the wrong decisions."

that really hit home, im sorry.

i'm well aware that life isnt easy.
i'm well aware its not meant to be easy.
i'm well aware you have to make decisions.
i'm well aware that people will make different decision.

i'm not at all aware of that decision i should make...

so, today was the my orientation for my tafe course
i came home more afraid than excited. i'm worried what if this isn't the perfect decision
i'm also worried because i'm forcing myself to have to grow up earlier than others.
is it wrong or is it right.
i guess it doesnt matter ive made my decision.


because of this decision,
and the feeling i need to grow up at a faster rate, i dont know what i should be doing.
on one hand, at the moment, i love my life, im happy!
however its not growing up its doing the opposite.
going out, wondering around, being carefree, gets smashed
sure they are all things in which teenagers do, right

im a teenager but im not living the life of an average one
does this in turn mean, i need to give all this up?
please someone enlighten me! tell me im wrong
tell me to continue, you're fine, be happy!

bottom line
why am i even bothering worry about it....
honestly there is no way to know if i make the right or wrong decision until
ive already made it.